Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
