WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
