The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
