Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're so nebulous sometimes
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize