I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
