I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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