Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
