Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
