New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
