I wish I could teleport
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
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everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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