Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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