yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
