Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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