i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize