John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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