drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
