we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
