It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
