I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
