Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
