I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
