You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
