I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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