"it" just moved
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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