I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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