he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
