I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
