i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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