Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
