All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
