I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
