I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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