he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
