I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
