yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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