8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
