I love black thongs
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
