my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
