At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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