dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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