so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
