So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
