low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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