just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
