so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
