Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
