I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
