I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
