Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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