I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
