Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
