Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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