Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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