Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
