and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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