The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
