note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
