This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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