i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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