i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
