Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
