cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
