Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
