I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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