Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
