one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
