We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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