I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
