I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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