Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You made out with two different species that night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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