bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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