i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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